I know he doesn't, and maybe that makes me feel more safe. I don't talk about him near enough.
I miss him right now.
I'm sure he knows the way I feel, and I bet the feeling is reciprocated to a degree. I just wish we could break this barrier of tension we have going.
He's tried but it makes me uncomfortable.
I wonder if he's given up. Moved on. Or if it's just a farce, a game he plays.
I fear it's only a game.
I won't let myself think about it. I have to stop pushing him away, though. I am running out of chances to win him over. But do I really want to win him over? What happens then?
Is that a risk we'd be willing to take?
The news tonight talks of a woman who was eight months pregnant and strangled to death, the fetus cut from her and taken across state lines by another woman she spoke to occasionally on the internet. The possibility is out there that something horrible could happen to me.
Is that a chance I am willing to take?
I don't know, but I dreamt about him last night. Dreamt about his lies (or what I imagine them to be). Dreamt about him addressing my shortcomings. Dreamt about him abandoning me. Now, I've been thinking about him all day.
I almost wish he read this.
I know he doesn't, and that makes my heart break. I guess I'll have to wait and see what comes about from this strange little thing we have.
It would be nice if 2005 brought some answers.